Monday, December 31, 2007
Saturday, December 22, 2007
Thursday, December 20, 2007
Gay Adoption in Canada Facebook group
I've started a new group on facebook called Gay Adoption in Canada. If you haven't joined the group please do so now. For those of you who are parents please feel free to voice your experiences with parenthood. Those who are interested in becoming a parent but don't know where to start please feel free to post your questions...the point of Gay Adoption in Canada is to educate, understand and fulfill a dream of becoming a parent:
Latest Article: Remembering the Mother
Part of the process of adoption is getting comfortable with what a child may have. Autism, FAS (Fetal Alcohol Sydrome), drug addiction -- are some of the things I've encountered. It's depressing and scary to say the least. In the beginning my reaction was probably what most people think: If you're that fucked up on drugs just have an abortion. The problem in thinking this is way stems down to this: We're dealing with a child having a child!
Most of the women who give their children up for adoption aren't women...they're teenagers. In most cases, their lives are so out of control that they can't see fact from fiction. In most cases, they take the drugs to forget the past, or the present or even the future. The real world can be an ugly place especially if there's another life to protect.
In part of understanding the process or at least gaining compassion for these women, I decided the volunteer my time with the Jessie's Centre for Teenagers, a place for teenage mothers to learn about parenthood. I haven't started yet but I hope there's an opportunity to gain compassion. I can't begin to imagine how scared these girls are or where they came from...all I know is that the mother of the child I adopt is linked to me.
Our future begins now.
Latest Article: Remembering the Mother
Part of the process of adoption is getting comfortable with what a child may have. Autism, FAS (Fetal Alcohol Sydrome), drug addiction -- are some of the things I've encountered. It's depressing and scary to say the least. In the beginning my reaction was probably what most people think: If you're that fucked up on drugs just have an abortion. The problem in thinking this is way stems down to this: We're dealing with a child having a child!
Most of the women who give their children up for adoption aren't women...they're teenagers. In most cases, their lives are so out of control that they can't see fact from fiction. In most cases, they take the drugs to forget the past, or the present or even the future. The real world can be an ugly place especially if there's another life to protect.
In part of understanding the process or at least gaining compassion for these women, I decided the volunteer my time with the Jessie's Centre for Teenagers, a place for teenage mothers to learn about parenthood. I haven't started yet but I hope there's an opportunity to gain compassion. I can't begin to imagine how scared these girls are or where they came from...all I know is that the mother of the child I adopt is linked to me.
Our future begins now.
Wednesday, December 19, 2007
Sunday, December 16, 2007
Saturday, December 15, 2007
Thursday, December 13, 2007
Monday, December 10, 2007
Bite the Bad Guy
It all started this morning, over a cup of coffee and burnt eggs. There was a spit of optimism in my step but in the back of my mind I wondered what, or who was around the corner. Despite this momentary seer of paranoia I continued getting ready for work; there was a nifty little jingle looping over in my head. It was odd, you know? Without reason or cause I was happy but I assure you it didn't last long.
The walk to the bus stop was unusually warm. Seriously, the snow was melting and the kids walked with open jackets. I walked with ease since the ice beneath my feet had melted into a puddle. What the fuck? It's December for Christ's sake?
Before I had reached the bus stop two loaded buses drove past sending slush in every direction. Fortunately, and really odd, none of it had landed on me. A smile, one tiny indication of what was happening inside me, peeled over my face. I was glad, and really surprised that none of the slush landed on me. It was like God placing his, or her, huge hand in front of me, to shield me from the wet mushy ice. So far it was a great fucking day!
Like a wet dream, reality had to pinch me in the ribs. In moments, I glanced at my watch and notices that I'd be late for work...how did that happen? I tried not to panic and focused my attention on the dishes at home. It always amazed me at how some don't make a mess at home while I, who doesn't do all the much aside from write, live harmoniously with dirt. It's like I attract dirty dishes...maybe it's the Italian in me or the fact that I live alone but it's like the dishes pile along with the dust.
So upon walking into work I was greeted with pastries and home baked goods...talk about a warm welcome! All I needed was a cup of non-office coffee and I'd be set. Sure enough before I had even taken off my jacket my little co-worker friend had walked into my office and asked to walk with him to Starbucks (ok fine, it was this organic coffee shop that charges wayyy to much for shitty coffee but since it's fare-trade people shut up and pay the extra dollar). You would think my co-worker was gay, his shoe laces match his sweater, his sweater match his t shirt and of course his t shirt matches his eyes but sadly my little homo he is not. But opinionated he is with a dash of sarcasm and a wink of charm...hence why I enjoy his company.
So I had my treats, my organic coffee (Fare Trade at that!) I was ready to work. Unfortunately both my computers weren't. To add salt to my sugar cookie shaped like Santa, a show that would be airing tonight couldn't be found. To punch me in the gut, I couldn't access my voicemail but my phone insisted that I had messages waiting. Outlook was out to lunch. My office door wouldn't close and I had broken my last cigarette. What happened to my joyous, celebratory, something to write home to mom about Monday go?
The day progressed with a grind. Co-workers expressed how dysfunctional their day was...at least I wasn't alone. Office drama sored like an STD in a bathhouse and I had to pee. Did I mention I started detoxing and drinking 3 litres of water a day? Did I also mention that every time I attempted to use the washroom there was an 'urgent' conversation or that a show needed work and I'd have to wait on the captioning. Or a closed captioning file that needed to be encoded disappeared? Or at one point I cramped and thought God who was once protecting me from slush was now laughing in my tortured face?
Mondays suck and not because I work in TV. It's like we're given two days to forget our roles in the corporate jungle and in doing so we forget how to walk. Like a drunk on the dancefloor, we're misguided by the beat of the drum and we end up looking like the spinster uncle that no one talks to but insists on dancing out of sync. What sucks is that by the time Friday rolls around we're back in the swing of things but itching to be done with it as we look forward to having 2 days to do what we want...to sleep in...go drinking with friends we shouldn't be friends with and to forget that on Monday the sun will flirt with us...the homemade baked goods will leave a smile on our face and the little homo-wanna-be will have a whitty yet sarcastic word and my damn fucking computer will do something new to freak me out. Being a grown up is anything but a welcoming Monday because there's no such thing as a welcoming Monday and a nifty jingle. Perhaps there is a nifty jingle but what are they selling?
The walk to the bus stop was unusually warm. Seriously, the snow was melting and the kids walked with open jackets. I walked with ease since the ice beneath my feet had melted into a puddle. What the fuck? It's December for Christ's sake?
Before I had reached the bus stop two loaded buses drove past sending slush in every direction. Fortunately, and really odd, none of it had landed on me. A smile, one tiny indication of what was happening inside me, peeled over my face. I was glad, and really surprised that none of the slush landed on me. It was like God placing his, or her, huge hand in front of me, to shield me from the wet mushy ice. So far it was a great fucking day!
Like a wet dream, reality had to pinch me in the ribs. In moments, I glanced at my watch and notices that I'd be late for work...how did that happen? I tried not to panic and focused my attention on the dishes at home. It always amazed me at how some don't make a mess at home while I, who doesn't do all the much aside from write, live harmoniously with dirt. It's like I attract dirty dishes...maybe it's the Italian in me or the fact that I live alone but it's like the dishes pile along with the dust.
So upon walking into work I was greeted with pastries and home baked goods...talk about a warm welcome! All I needed was a cup of non-office coffee and I'd be set. Sure enough before I had even taken off my jacket my little co-worker friend had walked into my office and asked to walk with him to Starbucks (ok fine, it was this organic coffee shop that charges wayyy to much for shitty coffee but since it's fare-trade people shut up and pay the extra dollar). You would think my co-worker was gay, his shoe laces match his sweater, his sweater match his t shirt and of course his t shirt matches his eyes but sadly my little homo he is not. But opinionated he is with a dash of sarcasm and a wink of charm...hence why I enjoy his company.
So I had my treats, my organic coffee (Fare Trade at that!) I was ready to work. Unfortunately both my computers weren't. To add salt to my sugar cookie shaped like Santa, a show that would be airing tonight couldn't be found. To punch me in the gut, I couldn't access my voicemail but my phone insisted that I had messages waiting. Outlook was out to lunch. My office door wouldn't close and I had broken my last cigarette. What happened to my joyous, celebratory, something to write home to mom about Monday go?
The day progressed with a grind. Co-workers expressed how dysfunctional their day was...at least I wasn't alone. Office drama sored like an STD in a bathhouse and I had to pee. Did I mention I started detoxing and drinking 3 litres of water a day? Did I also mention that every time I attempted to use the washroom there was an 'urgent' conversation or that a show needed work and I'd have to wait on the captioning. Or a closed captioning file that needed to be encoded disappeared? Or at one point I cramped and thought God who was once protecting me from slush was now laughing in my tortured face?
Mondays suck and not because I work in TV. It's like we're given two days to forget our roles in the corporate jungle and in doing so we forget how to walk. Like a drunk on the dancefloor, we're misguided by the beat of the drum and we end up looking like the spinster uncle that no one talks to but insists on dancing out of sync. What sucks is that by the time Friday rolls around we're back in the swing of things but itching to be done with it as we look forward to having 2 days to do what we want...to sleep in...go drinking with friends we shouldn't be friends with and to forget that on Monday the sun will flirt with us...the homemade baked goods will leave a smile on our face and the little homo-wanna-be will have a whitty yet sarcastic word and my damn fucking computer will do something new to freak me out. Being a grown up is anything but a welcoming Monday because there's no such thing as a welcoming Monday and a nifty jingle. Perhaps there is a nifty jingle but what are they selling?
Friday, December 7, 2007
Wednesday, December 5, 2007
Gay Parenting
I could have spent the rest of my life chasing after things I missed out on but where would that have gotten me? Instead I have my eye set on the future and moving, with each day, towards it. My choice to adopt was one that took many years, one that made me look at my friends, my home and myself differently. To be a father, a good father, is to look at myself honestly and ask: How can I be better for my son? It is this question that took the most of those years to answer.
I want to be the father I never had. I want to know my kid. He will know he is home when he looks into my eyes and I will know I am alive when I am with him.
2008 marks the beginning of my new life. Not only will Life on Emerson Ave be available to all of you (www.lifeonemersonave.com) but it will also be the start of my journey towards parenthood. It's scary and uncertain, especially since I am doing it alone but I'm not concerned with any of that. It's not a want but a need that I become a father. Anyone can exist but I want to live.
Sunday, December 2, 2007
Friday, November 30, 2007
Crush You
It does seem strange that in my adult life I still develop crushes on those I could never have. And yet, deep down my insides curve and flex to stimulate a feeling of ...satisfaction. Do not sleep, I tell my heart, stay awake and taste the morning sun. Yes tragic and mello, subtle and delicious but truth be told...morning woodies are sensational!
When Drag Queens Attack!
I've said this before and I'll say it again...don't mess with a drag queen!
It's official: People are Fucking Nuts!
Tap on the head and some werido can make you str8?
According to Pat Robertson, God is using superhighway I-35 that runs from Canada to Mexico through the midwest to purify America from sin. He says "I-35 is the highway spoken of in Isaiah 35:8 - "And a highway will be there; it will be called the way of holiness."
Are people this fucking bored?
According to Pat Robertson, God is using superhighway I-35 that runs from Canada to Mexico through the midwest to purify America from sin. He says "I-35 is the highway spoken of in Isaiah 35:8 - "And a highway will be there; it will be called the way of holiness."
Are people this fucking bored?
Thursday, November 29, 2007
This is why I love Jay Brannan!!!!
Yes, Jay Brannan is my crush...and no I'm not too old to have a crush! Check him out and I dare you not to crush on this really amazing guy!
Wednesday, November 28, 2007
Botox me Over
Now before you judge let me say this: NO REGRETS!For years now when I woke up the guy staring back at me in the mirror wasn't a familiar face. He was tired, worn and angry looking. On the inside, he was full of energy and high spirited. So when I met with my cosmetic surgeon I told her this. I wasn't looking to take 10 years off my face...I was looking for a fresh start. I got that and then some!
We talked about life experience and even though I had a chalk full of lessons learned, it were these lessons that sat on my face. The next day, around 5pm I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror...my old friend Frank was back and better than ever. It was a moment that seemed to healed the last couple of years. The guy staring back was still 30 years old but he was refreshed and this is what made me smile.
For those of you out there who are thinking about Botox I have this advice for you all:
1) Think about it...why do you want it? If you're 30 and want to look 18 it's not going to happen. Don't run from age...but you can kick the signs of age in the nuts!
2) Do your homework. Know what you're getting and find a doctor who will answer your questions. Again, I love my doctor. She and I sat down and talked. I told her that I didn't want to look 'frozen' (I actually still have movement in my forehead). I wanted to look rested and refreshed.
3) Know that Botox is not permanent but with time it will prevent further damage.
4) Do it...you'll love it! No need to get carried away but a little does go a long way!
Rectal Confessions -- Taken from http://www.myspace.com/phunkybrat
25 Nov 2007
Going out on a bad date can feel like gas. The annoyance of his voice churns a moarnful fit of rage but I try to sit and remain calm. 'Is it me?' I wonder over my steaming cup of grande bold, 'have I lost the patience to meet someone new?' as I gently rubbed my temples. Yes self-doubt at 30 years old does require the occasional tweeking. 'It's not my fault' I tell myself on my way to the subway after I recieved probably one of the most toothy kisses of my life, 'It's him' but deep down I don't believe in what I'm saying.
In the grand scheme called dating as a gay man, pit falls such as this one triggers the notion that happy endings are meant for fictional stories. Is this a pessimisstic indignation or have I read one too many love stories?
A friend, myself or my mother will encourage the optimissism that the love I require takes more work than a few strokes on a keyboard. But sometimes, it feels like there's a greater chance of surviving a hurricane in a tube-top than to find the right guy for me.
So this pity party for one observes a reaction of thought; perhaps it's an attitude adjustment that I require or at the very least I will not meet guys online after a half bottle of wine.
Tuesday, November 27, 2007
Queer Fear - Gay Life, Gay Death in Iraq
Short documentary alerts the viewer to systematic harassment and murder of gays, lesbians, bisexual and transgender people in Iraq
Meat
Dir. Slava Ross / Russia / 2002
Times are hard for single mothers. But there are things young boys don't want to know. A tremendously touching drama about growing up in 20th century Russia.
Times are hard for single mothers. But there are things young boys don't want to know. A tremendously touching drama about growing up in 20th century Russia.
Screentest Joseph Gordon-Levitt - NYTimes.com/TMagazine
A real actor...a sexy actor...a real man...WOW
Jesus made Me do it!
I have writer's block but it feels more like constipation. A block deep in the pit of my stomach...something needs to come out. Holy Hell it needs to come out.
Each word that sits in my head grinds against the walls of my skull. Slowly they reveal themselves but it's few...like a rabbit pellet. What I need right now is a medimusal for the brain.
This is what writer's block feels like...a log caught in a river's bend, preventing movement...annoyingly painful.
There is a surge of optimism though...like life eventually my head will the get fist fuck it needs and everything will be ok.
Each word that sits in my head grinds against the walls of my skull. Slowly they reveal themselves but it's few...like a rabbit pellet. What I need right now is a medimusal for the brain.
This is what writer's block feels like...a log caught in a river's bend, preventing movement...annoyingly painful.
There is a surge of optimism though...like life eventually my head will the get fist fuck it needs and everything will be ok.
Monday, November 26, 2007
Saturday, November 24, 2007
"Gimme More (Pills)" - Greg & Mario vs. Britney Spears
OMG this is the funniest Britney version I've ever seen...check it out:
Wednesday, November 21, 2007
No Exit Life on Emerson Ave
I tell myself that this is all but a dream...in my real existence this is just the beginning. The dedication and determination drives me further...I can't stop.
So what the hell am I talking about?
It's about accomplishing a dream. Working through the writer's block and seeing the road ahead. No matter what.
All of this, the website(s), the countless hours spent during the editing/revisions stages....it's all worth it. The lack of sleep will pay off, I tell myself, not to mention the worry. Inside, I know this will happen but what is uncertain is the butterfly effect it will cause. What kind of ripple would I like to achieve? I want an earthquake.
Why do something if no one notices?
I don't believe in standing out for the sake of standing out. My voice, my words, I hope will change your way of thinking. I've been influenced by the best. Madonna, Douglas Coupland, Alex Sanchez, Sol Stein and Virginia Woolf - They've inspired me to never settle for the best but to exceed my personal expectations. Leave out the horns and whistles (this I'll gladly pass to useless talent) and focus on what I am good at...this.
I am designed to evolve, like you but choose to step forward and move to a higher ground. To push forward does have it's consequences but I assure you it's an amazing ride.
So what the hell am I talking about?
It's about accomplishing a dream. Working through the writer's block and seeing the road ahead. No matter what.
All of this, the website(s), the countless hours spent during the editing/revisions stages....it's all worth it. The lack of sleep will pay off, I tell myself, not to mention the worry. Inside, I know this will happen but what is uncertain is the butterfly effect it will cause. What kind of ripple would I like to achieve? I want an earthquake.
Why do something if no one notices?
I don't believe in standing out for the sake of standing out. My voice, my words, I hope will change your way of thinking. I've been influenced by the best. Madonna, Douglas Coupland, Alex Sanchez, Sol Stein and Virginia Woolf - They've inspired me to never settle for the best but to exceed my personal expectations. Leave out the horns and whistles (this I'll gladly pass to useless talent) and focus on what I am good at...this.
I am designed to evolve, like you but choose to step forward and move to a higher ground. To push forward does have it's consequences but I assure you it's an amazing ride.
Tuesday, November 20, 2007
Monday, November 19, 2007
Midnight Moment
Clustered
Romantic
I'm losing myself
Congested
the traffic
can't think on the spot
Where are the answers
for the secrets to life
I edit
and panic
will writer's block come to an end?
Romantic
I'm losing myself
Congested
the traffic
can't think on the spot
Where are the answers
for the secrets to life
I edit
and panic
will writer's block come to an end?
Sunday, November 18, 2007
Saturday, November 17, 2007
Gay Parenting is more than Queers searching for Approval
Let me first say, I'm a fan of Fab Magazine, a Toronto based gay scene magazine. But the current issue made my skin crawl. As a proud gay man one of my goals is to one day be a father through adoption. In this issue, writter Ted Flett, compares the wants of the gay community from past to present. It's seems, according to Ted, it seems gay men are only concerned with Sex, Drugs and Dancefloors.
If for a moment, just a second, let me tell you want I want:
Are you ready? It won't take long. I want happiness. In order to be happy I want my dreams to come true. One of these dreams is having a family of my own.
According to Ted, there are still gay men out there who feel that those from our community who want a family are breeder wanna-bes.
If this is true and that gay men think this way I can only say this: Queer as Folk ended years ago and with it went the chidish attitudes!
When will gay guys grow into a men? Oh my...I said the 'M' word. But you know...it does happen and the good news is Life still goes on.
Instead of competing with 18-year-olds, how about accomplishing other goals in ones life. I'm not saying give up the club life completely all I'm saying is that there's a whole world to enjoy.
Friday, November 16, 2007
It's a wonderful life
in the sunshine
I think of him
the man
one day
make him smile
searching is tough
bless the friends inside my circle
I need a friend, they make me happy
I'm not alone
I'd trade this sunshine
and the smell of musk
show your face
I can't take this
on my own
my wonderful life
he's in the shadow
maybe waiting for me
maybe not
I'm standing here
on my own
I smile
fake induced
but I smile
until you're here
with me
love
my love
love of my life
until then
my prince
I wish you...
a wonderful life.
I think of him
the man
one day
make him smile
searching is tough
bless the friends inside my circle
I need a friend, they make me happy
I'm not alone
I'd trade this sunshine
and the smell of musk
show your face
I can't take this
on my own
my wonderful life
he's in the shadow
maybe waiting for me
maybe not
I'm standing here
on my own
I smile
fake induced
but I smile
until you're here
with me
love
my love
love of my life
until then
my prince
I wish you...
a wonderful life.
Wednesday, November 14, 2007
At You
Has this ever happened to you:
You're with your friends they've been yapping for at least a good 20 minutes when it hits you...you haven't said a single word to encourage this so called conversation to linger as long as it has?
When it's my turn to jump in I see this glaze in their eyes, a vacant expression which tells me: It's not about Frank...it's about them.
So I'm training myself to have that vacant expression. It's not working though because they won't shut up.
Just a thought...don't talk at me...talk to me...if you don't know what I'm talking about ask me.
You're with your friends they've been yapping for at least a good 20 minutes when it hits you...you haven't said a single word to encourage this so called conversation to linger as long as it has?
When it's my turn to jump in I see this glaze in their eyes, a vacant expression which tells me: It's not about Frank...it's about them.
So I'm training myself to have that vacant expression. It's not working though because they won't shut up.
Just a thought...don't talk at me...talk to me...if you don't know what I'm talking about ask me.
Tuesday, November 13, 2007
Another day Sunshine day
If you haven't seen Another Gay Movie go out and rent it...it's so stupid it's good!
Lesbian couple were voted cute 'cutest couple' in year book
Apparently 'adults' are pissed over this, check it out.
Monday, November 12, 2007
No Exit: In the Morning
Here's my first video blog. In the episode I talk about being gay in High School, Alex Sanchez and Life on Emerson Ave.
I'm a Gay Christian
Here's another great video of someone who came out on Youtube. Listen to this honest confession...it's admirable.
Sunday, November 11, 2007
Sexy Boy
I don't get the whole armpit licking thing but it sort of works...whatever the dude is HOT! enjoy
ask a gay/emo/australian guy ...... COMING OUT
Jesse is probably the bravest, most intelligent 15 year on the planet. Check out his Coming Out video and don't forget to check out him at www.myspace.com/jesse_emo
Saturday, November 10, 2007
Boys Beware . 1959 Anti Homosexual Film
A short film about the "homosexual" sickness...it's so stupid I had to post it. What's really disturbing is that stuff like this was actually taught in school instead of english class.
What I've been up to
It's 2:51AM and I'm working on my revisions. What can I say? Life on Emerson Ave (my novel out summer 2008) has adapted to change as I have.
OH! Before I forget, let me tell you about lunch with my editor! Once she saw my Life on Emerson Archive we both came to a practical conclusion that one book just wouldn't do but an entire series! Starting in 2008, the first of three books will be released! WOOT! Stay tuned for more info.
Finally, it may seem as though I've neglected www.noexit.ca or www.lifeonemersonave.com but rest assured, I haven't. I'm working on a GLBT Archive/Library as well as a music video channel on Youtube.com. Both projects will be on my sites. But I can't say more.
Frank XOX
OH! Before I forget, let me tell you about lunch with my editor! Once she saw my Life on Emerson Archive we both came to a practical conclusion that one book just wouldn't do but an entire series! Starting in 2008, the first of three books will be released! WOOT! Stay tuned for more info.
Finally, it may seem as though I've neglected www.noexit.ca or www.lifeonemersonave.com but rest assured, I haven't. I'm working on a GLBT Archive/Library as well as a music video channel on Youtube.com. Both projects will be on my sites. But I can't say more.
Frank XOX
Friday, November 9, 2007
#1 Crush
I have a secret to tell you but I need you to promise me that it'll always be kept between me and you.
Do you promise?
Pinky swear,
Good.
A crush isn't a guarantee for romance, infact it's nothing at all except a fantasy one plays out. It's a cruel game. But sometimes, every once in a while a crush can turn into romance.
It's not safe
still no guarantees
but the sex is awesome
Is it right?
Is it real?
Does it matter?
Do you promise?
Pinky swear,
Good.
A crush isn't a guarantee for romance, infact it's nothing at all except a fantasy one plays out. It's a cruel game. But sometimes, every once in a while a crush can turn into romance.
It's not safe
still no guarantees
but the sex is awesome
Is it right?
Is it real?
Does it matter?
Wednesday, November 7, 2007
The truth of Life on Emerson Ave
The truth is like an open answer to an abstract question. Sometimes we're left with more questions and other times we stop dead in our tracks.Ask and you shall recieve, Jesus what a thrilling statement or would be a question? You'll get what you want and sometimes what you deserve. They say it's better to know than to be always left wondering. I say, know the consequences before making a choice.- Rocco
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